Super Hero Movie Sickness

Super hero films are a sub-genre of movie that in all honesty, I don’t care for. What? I hear the two of you scream! (average audience figures taken in to account) But you’re a nerd, nerds love super heroes! Well, you’re right I am a nerd and I used to like Super heroes. I used to like Superman when I was a kid, Spiderman too and especially the Dark Knight himself who was probably my role model second only to Brandon Lee’s the Crow…oh and of course Burke from Aliens. So, Batman’s like totally number three most influential…number four, I forgot Arnie (I let him go). Anyway, what was I trying to get out here? Super Heroes, right. So, what put me off then?

Answer: I grew up! No, that’s not really the answer, because I never did, but the super hero fan in me kind of died somewhere between Batman Forever and Spiderman (the Spiderman that was now three or four Spidermans ago.) Since then there have been a raft of what can only be considered B Rate super hero films, coinciding of course with Marvel and DC Comics investing heavily in their own film studios. Both Comic book giants have a mass of IP (intellectual property – very valuable for some reason nowadays, just ask Apple or Samsung) held within the vaults of their underground fortress libraries. X Men, Batman, Spidey, Superbad, Megamind and Casablanca to name but a few.

Using these untapped (or largely untapped) intellectual resources, Marvel and DC seem to have gone about systematically over taking the Box Office over the past few years with forty three percent of all top 10 box office films in the last three years being comic book adaptations (I made that up, but it sounded plausible enough didn’t it?) We have been treated to such gems as the Green freaking Lantern, Hulk and Hulk the Reboot, then with the Avengers we got a whole heap of movies that lead up to one giant super hero sticker book of a film. Now of course the ‘final’ Batman movie has come out to a roar of Box Office success and critical acclaim and I feel like the last person stood at the back asking why everyone is so excited.

There was this magical time when I would hang with geeks and like minded borderline obsessive Star Trek crazies and discuss all the latest developments in our shadowy comic world. Now, everyone is a geek. I am probably one of about six people in the world who didn’t watch/care about the last Batman film in the entire world. So when did this shift of geekness occur? Why am I now ostracised for not being a nerd? Or is it just that Batman and Iron Man and Captain America (seriously! Captain America!) are all so awesome that you non-nerds, you anti-dweebs had to scoop them up and steal them from us?

Give me back my Batman! This is like being back at school…I hate you all.

The Importance of Negativity

People ask me why I am negative, cynical and devoid of hope. The answer is simple self defense. The reality that all things good must come to an end and that only the bad stuff will prevail is one I have learned in some small way to accept.

Now, that sounded deep and meaningful, which it wasn’t because my cynicism is almost entirely aimed at all of the crap that is output by the human species which somehow attaches itself to the word ‘entertainment.’

We are force fed movies that suck, which are advertised as life changing experiences, bands which suck and stink up our music collections, video games which are indistinguishable from one another and TV shows which represent ‘reality’ so eager to be the same as the last popular incarnation that they forget the ‘real’ or the ‘entertainment’ part. So on a purely entertainment level, I see no great cause for anything other than negativity and despair.

I have seen too many of the film franchises I loved defiled, books translated into abhorrent cash-ins, remakes, reboots, prequels or sequels. I was hoping that this phenomenon would be regulated to just films, but the regurgitative nature of our species won’t allow it. Music now seems to be a majorly poor performer, with nothing outstanding or original being released for some time and video games which are locked in a cycle of rinse and repeat the same formula as last time and ‘rebooted’ when they start to wane. Too much of the same thing over and over again and every entertainment industry is supporting this manner of being.

So I fall back to cynicism and the negative to prevent my already fragile state of mind from collapsing further into itself. This doesn’t mean that I don’t long and hope for something better, but to answer my critics who think I am but a miserable old git, (though I suppose I am) all I am trying to do is defend myself from your hopeful musing that the new super hero movie or the next installment of your favourite shooter will somehow change your world.

Unfair? Probably. There are some things that aren’t total junk I guess, but the burial of those few things under a ton of over-hyped, wallet molesting garbage have led me to this. I wish I could believe that something will be better, but until it is proved to be so (which will be judged individually on a case by case basis), I shall remain cynical and negative in my little cocoon of misery while you all wallow and dance in your self destructive happiness.

Notes On The Halo 4 Limited Edition Xbox 360 And Fan Baiting

After my slightly frequent Nintendo bashing, I felt that it would be remiss of me not to have a bit of a go at Microsoft for attempting one last 360 shaped pocket-pilfer with the Limited Edition Halo 4 Xbox 360 console bundle that is due out when the game launches this year.

Not that this is entirely unexpected of course, Microsoft have released Xbox’s to coincide with several big game releases, Final Fantasy, Halo 3, Call of Duty and Halo Reach (I actually owned the Reach console) to name the ones I can think of off of the top of my head.

But this latest pillage irks me a lot. They know that people will buy it, because it is shiny and has a Halo-esque lines theme on it. But why do they deem it appropriate to make players pay such a hefty price? £269 is a lot of money for what will soon be ‘last-generation’ hardware.

I kind of feel for the people that buy it. Of course they will love the new machine, but with the upcoming Wii U launch, I don’t really see how forking out for yet another Halo themed Xbox 360 is valid. At least the Wii U will offer something new – even if I personally am not enamored with certain choices they’ve made for it. The same cannot be said of this new fan-exploit of a machine.

320GB hard-drive and everything exactly the same inside. This is just a re-packaged CoD Xbox. At least they could have stuffed a bigger HD in there or a new…something! And that’s not to mention that you get a standard copy of the game with it (plus some DLC to make it seem more charitable) meaning that the ‘true’ fans who buy the machine, will probably want to buy the limited edition version of the game as well to sit alongside the other limited editions of the previous games that sit on dusty shelves.

I understand marketing and I understand the need for a business to turn a profit – video games is one of very few revenue streams that Apple are not yet stealing from MS – but Jesus, give the people something new. I know that I won’t be queuing to get one of these, because quite frankly, i’ll be waiting for the new machine when it arrives next year (assuming it is out next year)

So, Microsoft, for this, you’re on the list now. You pocket raping whoreboxes! And you shall not be getting any of my money…until you show me something NEW and shiny to obsess over…obviously.

Can the Nintendo 3DS eXceL?

I know I’m being rude but have you gained some weight since we last met?

Coming at the end of the month is the Ninetndo 3DS XL. This is Nintendo’s four hundred and seventy fifth attempt at reviving the DS. Maybe that is an exaggeration, the DS didn’t need reviving until the over priced 3DS hit the shelves to a wave of public apathy and then, after playing the console in 3D mode, nausea.

I owned the first ever DS – the natural successor to my GameBoy Advance and when, a short time later the DS Lite was released, I choked out more cash in a costly exchange for the upgrade. So there was I with my new brighter, smaller more clever DS Lite, happy and content, when out came the DS Lite XL. Bigger, more screen for gaming goodness and suddenly I was cut adrift unable to keep up with Nintendo’s ludicrously short release schedules.

Unwilling to even try to play catch up I eventually traded in my DS and tried Nintendo’s console offering the Wii instead. Now once again I was initially impressed with Nintendo’s innovation…until the lack of decent quality games hit home (which it invariably does with Nintendo products – more Mario? Yes please.) of course and so my love affair with Nintendo perished and I moved on to Xbox and Playstation…until…

For my girlfriend I bought the 3DS – late last year. We were convinced that with new titles (mostly just Zelda) coming forward the 3DS looked a machine for the future, somehow failing to spot the inevitability of Nintendo blind siding us with the XL version now.

According to actual proper reviewers who don’t just hate Nintendo for some improper and inane reason like I seem to now, there is not much change from the 3DS. It’s bigger, but you can’t make the best use out of it because they haven’t upped the screen resolution and the console itself now too heavy to comfortably hold for long periods. Not that the latter will be a problem because the battery life although improved from the miserable excuse for a battery in the 3DS still only clocks between 3.5 and 6 hours at best, which is uselessly feeble for a portable gaming system. Oh and to top it all off, the basic control functions are still fairly shit, even though Nintendo knew that this was a complaint of the previous 3DS. These are issues that should have been addressed.

With the forthcoming Wii U and now this shambles, I have got to say that I am feeling more and more depressed by Nintendo. They haven’t been the major force in gaming since they tried to screw Sony with a little console called the Play something…grey thing, used cd’s…ah it’ll come to me when I’m trying to concentrate on killing George Lucas later. I’ll have the perfect shot lined up and then it’ll be “Playstation! That’s the one.” And in that eureka moment, he’ll move out of the cross hairs. What was I saying, oh yeah, Nintendo have been letting us down for time, but this DS rehashing seems to be getting out of hand.

Not to worry though, if this DS isn’t quite good enough, there will be a new one next week. And so the trade-in cycle continues…

Justice League Characters to Appear in Next Batman Arkham Game

News broke yesterday that the next incarnation of the Batman: Arkham (insert extension name here) game will feature characters from the Justice League of America. Now, in principle this doesn’t seem like a bad move, after all the latest Batman Lego game features Supe’s and co and that seems to have gone down quite well.

But, there’s always a but, one of my chief complaints about the previous Arkham titles was the shoe-horning of as many Batman characters as possible into the games. As a result, nobody, except Joker and Harley, got a really good run out in the two titles. So do we really need to see a whole raft of new super heroes and villains drafted into the saga? I can’t help but feel that the third game should maybe focus a little more on some of the under used bad guys from the Batman universe.

One benefit of drafting the JLA in would be to provide a new series of environments, Metrocity, I mean Metropolis for example, rather than just rehashing Gotham maps all over again. So, there we go, one big positive…

However, does the addition of other heroes not detract from the very title of the game? Batman! Unless of course the other characters are NPC’s (non playable characters for you ‘not nerds’ out there) in which case the other super heroes would be just a backdrop to help Bats out of trouble.

I don’t think that the above will be the case however, because of the way they introduced Catwoman into the last one. Microsoft and Sony will probably have Superman and Wonder Woman etc as either unlockable characters or purchasable DLC…which kind of wins the argument really, money always wins!

A Little Movie Realization

Over the past two days I have watched two films that have inspired this little spluge of words. Two films which deserve there place among the pantheons of awesomeness where they correctly reside. These two films simultaneous restored my love and fear for the film industry.

First up was Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, a film I have not watched since…well, since George did what he does to film franchises I love. If you don’t know what I mean, see this review for more details, where the devastation is summarized more spectacularly than I ever could.

Now, Indiana Jones was a great trilogy, but I am personally of the school that think the first was the best with the Last Crusade and then Temple of Doom taking second and third respectively…see this dates back to when I actually had lists of what my favourite films were, a more innocent me that hadn’t been exposed to Jar Jar…oh I just puked, excuse me I got to clean the chunks off the keyboard right now…

Anyway, we decided it was time to give the franchise a shot at exorcising the demons of 2008…after four years it seemed like enough time had passed. And it was bloody amazing! I enjoyed every second of it, after a touch and go minute when the theme kicked in, but with some deep breathing we got through it and enjoyed the movie – this is something I have never achieved with Star Wars, those films are dead to me.

Then last night it was the time for Terminator 2! Oh my god, that film is awesome. Also, it can be successfully argued in much more detail than I will write here that this film and it’s predecessor has be molested and physically abuse by ruthlessly awful sequels, though those piles of vermin corpses don’t really compare to what George did, so it doesn’t matter…”it was inevitable” that they would screw this franchise at some point I guess.

But back to T2…I noticed for the first time, that Dyson is called Miles Bennett Dyson – the Bennett a reference to Commando perhaps…? Clutching at straws. So, even though I must have seen the film almost as many time as I have seen Aliens (about 400 times…probably not exaggerating, I was a bored teenager) I still noticed something new. The movie has a bit of everything and only really dates itself in a few places – some haircuts/fashion and some of the language…oh and the fact that Dyson computers are all command prompt and there is no internet. But these things don’t matter the action still looks awesome and even the CG holds up…some of it much better than more recent titles.

So, after watching two of the most awesome films I have ever seen – in pure action craziness terms, there are better films, I do know this…probably – I cast my mind to the current fare, the reboot of Spiderman, Prometheus, seriously Ice Age 4…maybe that went off track a little with that one. But the point is that there is very little to get excited about with most of the films in the past two years or so seeming to be either super hero movies or remakes of super hero movies or pointlessly drawn out sequels upon sequels, there doesn’t seem to be much hope. I can’t help but feel that we have seen the best of cinema and now we are on a slope to a depressing finale…

“This is the way the world ends,

Not with a bang, but a whimper” – T.S Elliot (not talking about films)

Wait a minute, Expendables 2 will have Arnie in it properly this time? I’m in! The good times are back! Yeah!